I'll Always Protect You
by USCutie15
Summary: Prequel to 'For Better or Worse'. Emily and JJ are dating, but what happens when a big secret from JJ's past comes out? Will she trust Emily enough to tell her what's wrong? WARNING: Femslash and Abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Please check out my new YouTube Jemily video: watch?v=Xh8wvnYgS5Q Please let me know your thought on that.**

Emily and JJ had been dating for a few months now. 5 months to be exact. They had grown closer to each other and things were going great.

So far, they had opened up to each other, they had cried on each other's shoulder and they had told all their secrets to each other, or so Emily thought.

What Emily didn't know was that JJ was hiding something big about her past from Emily.

Today was their day off. Emily was planning on taking JJ out for lunch, then taking a simple walk through the park.

She was currently in the kitchen making breakfast, while JJ was taking a shower. Emily herself had already taken a shower and was just waiting for JJ.

As soon as she finished making breakfast, JJ showed up.

"Right on time, breakfast's ready." Emily said with a smile.

JJ half-smiled back at her as they sat down to have breakfast.

As soon as they had finished breakfast, they washed their plates.

Emily had just finished washing hers, when she felt JJ's arms wrap around her waist, her chin rest on her shoulder and she could swear she heard JJ sigh.

Emily smiled and turned around, facing JJ. She tucked a lock of JJ's hair behind her ear and kissed her lips, softly and chastely.

When she pulled back and looked into JJ's eyes, she could see a little bit of sadness there. She had seen a lot of it lately, but only she could see it, because only she knew how to read JJ.

Ever since they had gotten back from a case where the UnSub had murdered three men who were abusing their children, JJ hadn't been herself. Even during the case, she had been kind of off. Emily had asked many times, during and since the case, if she was okay and JJ would just put on a fake smile and pretend like everything was fine.

Even when Emily tried to simply hold her, she seemed like she didn't really want physical contact with anybody.

And that's when she remembered something.

"Honey, can I ask you something?" Emily asked.

JJ nodded as she looked at Emily with a little bit of curiosity.

"What were you dreaming about last night?" Emily asked, taking in JJ's reaction.

This caused JJ to take a step back with a look on her face, that Emily couldn't quite put her finger on.

"Wha-what do you men?" JJ asked, stuttering.

"I heard you mumble last night, just before you screamed my name. But then I held you and assured you I was right there and you calmed down and held onto me." Emily explained.

"I don't remember." JJ stated, but Emily knew she was lying.

Emily stepped forward, grabbing both of JJ's hands.

"Sweetheart, you know you can tell me if there's something bothering you, right?" Emily asked.

JJ looked away, but then she did something that completely shocked Emily.

When Emily raised her hand to cup her cheek, JJ flinched away and closed her eyes.

Emily couldn't move. She was frozen in place. She was completely shocked. How could JJ think she'd hit her? Had she done anything that would make JJ think she'd be capable of hurting her? She had so many questions running through her mind, but she couldn't even find her voice to ask them.

Slowly, JJ reopened her eyes and they immediately watered.

"I'm sorry." Was all JJ whispered before she ran out the door.

Emily finally recovered from her shock and ran after JJ.

"JJ! Wait!" Emily yelled as JJ ran faster.

"Please, just leave me alone! It's not you, it's me!" JJ yelled back as she continued running and Emily could hear tears in her voice, but Emily wasn't about to give up. She started running faster and faster.

She was finding it hard to catch up with JJ, since JJ had a head-start, but finally she caught up with her just as JJ had ran onto the sand on the beach.

Emily grabbed her arm and JJ immediately turned around with pleading eyes.

"I'm sorry, Em. Please don't be mad. I love you, I don't know why I had that reaction. I'm so sorry!" JJ cried.

Emily immediately let go of JJ's arm and hugged her close to her chest.

"I'm not mad at you, baby. I promise." Emily whispered in her ear.

JJ just cried as Emily held her close.

"Let's take a walk." Emily suggested.

JJ agreed and they started walking across the beach, feeling the sand on their feet and hearing the noise of the waves, calming the both of them.

 **A/N: So there ya go. Hope you liked the beginning. Let me know what you think :) And let me know what you think of my video that I mentioned in the 1st A/N.**

 **A/N 2: Sorry it took so long to start a new story. And BTW, I will be updating on every weekend, if possible.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I kind of took the idea from Higher Ground, but there was no Horizon and JJ didn't sell herself for money, no drugs or anything like that. I kind of took a bit of Higher Ground, but it's not all from there. And I introduced some ideas of my own. Enjoy :)**

Emily placed a soft kiss on JJ's lips before she took her hand.

"How about the park?" Emily suggested.

JJ nodded as she suddenly looked at Emily.

"This is not your fault, Em. I promise you. I'm not scared of you, I just need to get through some issues." JJ assured.

Emily looked her in the eye and after a few seconds, she nodded.

"But why don't you trust me enough to tell me what's wrong?" Emily asked, the hurt evident in her eyes and voice.

"It's not that I don't trust you. I just want to forget it and I can't take you blaming me for it." JJ said.

"Why would I blame you?" Emily asked confused.

"Because it was my fault." JJ whispered.

"What did I tell you on our second date? Do you remember?" Emily asked as she looked at JJ.

"For worst or better, together forever." JJ said with a smile.

"Exactly. Now I know that sounds cheesy, but you know I meant it then and I mean it now." Emily said, smiling.

JJ looked conflicted and Emily knew right now wasn't the time to push her.

"But for now, let's just take our minds off things and walk through the park." Emily added.

She looked at JJ, and seeing the look of relief that crossed her girlfriend's face, she knew she had made the right choice.

JJ smiled and nodded.

They walked through the sand, hand in hand, before they headed for the park.

"So, what do you think about _me_ taking _you_ out for lunch?" Emily asked, grinning.

"I think that would be a _great_ idea." JJ said, grinning back.

Emily smiled. She was glad that she was able to make JJ smile again.

They walked a little longer, before they reached the park.

When they got there, they saw various people doing various things. They looked around before they sat down under a tree.

"I like it here. I don't know why, but it has always calmed me. Nature has always calmed me. Especially when I was...a kid." JJ said.

Emily noticed how JJ hesitated to say the word 'kid'. She wondered why JJ never talked about her childhood.

"Why's that?" Emily asked, feeling like she was getting somewhere.

"I don't know, it just always has. When things got...tough...I used to go into the woods, or sit under a tree, or something like that. It's just always helped me...get my mind off things." JJ admitted.

Emily knew JJ was trying hard to open up to her, she could see it in her eyes.

"How old were you when you first discovered that nature calmed you down?" Emily asked.

JJ shrugged. "Eight maybe." She said.

"What does an eight year old need to get away from?" Emily asked as she hoped JJ wouldn't close off.

"A lot of things, believe me." JJ said as she looked away.

"Anything you want to talk about?" Emily asked, carefully.

"I don't think I'm ready for that yet." JJ said.

"It's okay. How about we get some lunch?" Emily asked as she looked at her watch and noticed it was time for lunch and also acknowledging that that was the end of the conversation.

Emily got up and reached her arms out to JJ to help her up.

JJ reached for Emily's hands and was soon on her feet.

They smiled at each other and walked a few blocks, before finally reaching the restaurant.

They sat down in a corner booth and the waiter came over to take their order.

"Could you give us 10 minutes please?" Emily asked the waiter.

He nodded and left as JJ looked completely confused at Emily.

"Don't ask. Just wait here. I won't be long." Before JJ could say anything, Emily was up and out the door, leaving a very confused blonde behind.

Finally, about 3 or 4 minutes later, Emily returned with something behind her back.

JJ looked at her, even more confused then before.

Emily sat down, slightly out of breath as she pulled out beautiful bouquet of JJ's favorite flowers from behind her back.

"Oh my gosh, they're beautiful Em. Thank you." JJ said, as Emily handed the bouquet to her and she smelled the flowers.

"It's just beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl." Emily said with a wink and JJ smiled a big smile.

 **A/N: Let me know what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So, in this story, JJ is 21 and Emily is 25. I know it's not their real age difference, but let's just pretend, okay? :)**

Once they had finished eating, Emily suggested they go home.

JJ agreed and they left the restaurant, beginning to walk towards their house.

When they got home, Emily looked at JJ.

She looked deep in thought as she sat on the couch.

Emily sat down next to her and waited patiently, while putting her arm over the back of the couch.

"What is it, Jay? I can see the debate in your eyes. You want to tell me, but at the same time you don't." Emily said softly.

JJ looked at her and Emily saw her eyes fill with tears almost immediately, so she put an arm around her.

"What i it, honey?" Emily asked.

"You don't know who I really am. You don't know what I've done. You don't know my real name. I changed it. Hell, you don't even know where I come from." JJ said.

Emily looked confused.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"What I mean is that my whole 'childhood'..." She said using air quotes as she said the word with disgust. "...is not as good and perfect as it looks." JJ spat.

"What do you mean?" Emily asked in desperation.

"Do you want to know why you never met my family?" She asked, not waiting for an answer.

"It's because I don't have one!" JJ yelled as she stood up and started pacing.

Emily knew JJ's anger wasn't directed at her. She knew it was just JJ's way to cope with the pain. Pain that even during the long years that Emily knew her, had never been shown. Pain that from what Emily was seeing right now, JJ had kept hidden away for years, never letting anyone see it.

"What do you mean? What about your mother, your father and your niece?" Emily asked now extremely confused.

"They're not real! They don't exist! That's why you never met them!" JJ yelled, breaking down as she slid down the wall.

"JJ, calm down, honey. Breathe." Emily said, sitting next to her on the floor and rubbing small circles on her back.

"That's it. Just breathe." Emily said, continuing her movements.

Eventually, JJ calmed down.

"I'm sorry." JJ apologized, her voice breaking.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Emily assured.

"Yes, I do. I love you so much. There's a reason behind why I haven't had sex with you yet." JJ said, slowly.

Emily was confused by the change of topic, but played along anyway. Nothing was making sense anyway.

"I know. You're waiting for the right time. You told me before and I respect that. Don't worry about it." Emily said.

"No. That's not it. I lied so you wouldn't know the real reason." JJ admitted.

"What is it? Are you transgender?" Emily asked half-serious.

"What? No!" JJ said with a light chuckle.

"Okay, then what is it?" Emily asked.

"It's because I-I'm scared, Em." JJ said, lowering her head.

Emily was still confused.

"Are you still a virgin? Is that why you're scared?" Emily tried to guess.

But JJ shook her head 'no'.

"Have you ever been with a woman before?" Emily tried again.

"No." Came JJ's response.

"Is that why you're scared?" Emily asked.

"No." JJ said, shaking her head negatively.

"Okay, then." Emily said, thinking. It was clear that JJ didn't really want to say whatever it was, so she was going to have to guess.

She decided to change tactics.

"You said you changed your name. What was it before?" Emily asked.

"Shelby. Shelby Merrick." JJ replied.

"Okay, were you in Foster Care or did you have parents? Who did you live with?" Emily asked, feeling like she was getting somewhere.

"My mom and my step-stepdad." JJ said.

Emily immediately noticed the disgust, anger and fear in her girlfriend's eyes.

"Did you like him?" Emily asked.

"No." JJ said in anger. "I hated him! I still do! I hate him!" She said, spitting the words out as if she wished him dead.

Emily dreaded the answer to the next question she was going to ask, but she needed to know.

"JJ, will you answer something honestly?" Emily asked.

JJ just nodded.

"Did he ever hurt you?" Emily asked, hoping to God she was wrong.

 **A/N: CLIFFHANGER! Hahah I'm so evil. Sorry guys, but there'll be more next week. Stay tuned and review please :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far and to those who hopefully will continue to do so as this story carries on. I will remind you again that there are some ideas that were taken from HIGHER GROUND, but in this story, she wasn't a prostitute and she never did drugs or anything like that. :)**

The silence Emily was met with, confirmed her fears.

She saw JJ's eyes go blank and took her into her arms.

"What did the bastard do, Jay?" Emily asked, heart-broken.

JJ just shook her head as Emily felt her tears on her shirt.

Emily knew JJ wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

"Is he dead?" Emily asked quietly as she rubbed JJ's back.

JJ pulled back and looked at Emily.

"Last I heard, he was in jail." JJ said, wiping the tears off her face.

"What about your mother?" Emily asked.

"I hope she's burning in hell. I hope they both are." JJ spat, angrily.

"Did she hurt you too?" Emily asked.

She was still trying to put the pieces together. She was trying to find out in what way JJ was hurt. Physically? Mentally? Sexually?...

Then it clicked for Emily. JJ might have been abused sexually. That's why she's afraid of sex.

"She didn't physically hurt me, but she never believed me when I told her what her husband did." JJ said, as more tears spilled from her eyes.

"Jen...How did he hurt you?" Emily asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"I can't Em. I can't say it. You'll think I'm dirty and you won't want me anymore!" JJ cried.

"Was it sexually? Were you sexually abused?" Emily asked.

JJ just nodded as she sobbed.

Emily noticed how she was going to throw herself into Emily's arms, but then backed off as if she thought she didn't deserve to be comforted.

It broke Emily's heart to think that JJ's self-esteem went from a hundred to minus ten since she started talking about the topic.

"Oh, honey...It's going to be okay." Emily said as she carefully placed her arms around JJ and held her tight.

"I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you. I'm so dirty and you don't have to put up with this." JJ cried as she tried to pull away, reluctantly.

But Emily held her closer.

"I love you. This was not your fault. You're not dirty, Jen. I love you and I'm going to help you through this. I promise, baby. I promise." Emily said, her own tears threatening to fall.

"It was my fault. I should've stopped him." JJ said in shame.

"How old were you when it started?" Emily asked.

"I don't know. I was little. Maybe four or five." JJ said.

"Now tell me, how can a little girl make a grown man stop hurting her?" Emily challenged.

"She can't. But when I was a teenager, I could've." JJ insisted.

"JJ, you know I'm right. You're not the bad one here. He is. He should've never hurt you. That's not love." Emily said.

"Then what is?"

The question made Emily's heart ache so bad that it physically hurt.

"Do you trust me?" Emily asked.

"Of course." JJ said immediately.

"Then let me show you what love is." Emily whispered.

She wasn't saying that for a selfish reason. She was suggesting it because she just wanted to show her girlfriend what love really was without receiving anything in return.

JJ's eyes became clouded with fear.

"Hey, hey. Look at me. Look at me, honey." Emily said as she tried to look into JJ's eyes.

JJ tried to avoid her eyes in shame, but Emily was having none of it.

"I swear to you on my own life that I won't hurt you. Whenever you want to stop, you just say the word stop and I won't touch you. Just one word and I swear I'll stop." Emily promised.

"I don't know, Em. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just..." JJ left the statement hanging in the air.

"You're too scared to trust anyone when it comes to sex." Emily finished for her.

JJ looked sadly into Emily's eyes.

"I'm sorry." JJ apologized. "I'm so sorry." She continued.

"Hey, look at me. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." Emily assured.

"But I-I want to, I'm just scared. God this is so pathetic." JJ said, beating herself up.

"It's not pathetic, sweetie. It's normal after what you've been through. But I promise, sex doesn't have to hurt." Emily said.

"It's just...The only sex I've had, always hurt." JJ admitted, her cheeks getting a bit red with embarrassment.

"But it won't if you let me show you." Emily said.

JJ still looked hesitant.

"It'll feel good. It won't hurt. I promise." Emily said.

"That's what he said." JJ stated, looking directly into Emily's eyes, looking for proof that she was being honest. She saw that Emily's eyes held a bit of hurt at her statement, but she needed to know that Emily was telling the truth. She couldn't stand to be hurt like that again.

"I'm not him and I certainly wouldn't continue if you told me to stop. I love you and if you don't want to do this, it's okay. I won't make you do anything you don't want to. But I promise I would never ever hurt you like that bastard did. I promise. I love you." Emily finished as she leaned forward and kissed JJ's forehead, gently.

"I love you." She repeated, as she held JJ and ran her fingers through the blonde hair.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I spent the whole night looking for a girl I lost connection with on Omegle. I didn't get her name or anything unfortunately. :P**

JJ grabbed Emily's hands and looked so deep into her eyes, reaching her soul completely.

"I'm basically trusting you with my life." JJ said.

Emily looked back at JJ just like JJ had looked at her.

"And I promise to not let you down." Emily promised.

JJ nodded and Emily grabbed her hand, leading her to the bedroom.

When they got there, Emily closed the door and walked over to where JJ was standing stiffly.

"Relax." Emily said, kissing JJ's lips softly.

"I'm trying." JJ replied and continued to kiss Emily.

Emily lead JJ back, guiding her until the back of her legs reached the bed.

When the back of JJ's legs touched the bed, Emily gently laid her on the bed, slowly getting on top of her.

"Wait." JJ said.

Emily immediately looked into JJ's eyes and got off of her.

JJ sat on the bed as Emily sat next to her.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked concerned.

"Will you...Will you..." JJ tried, but she couldn't get the words out.

"Will I what? It's okay, you can ask." Emily assured.

"It's embarrassing and stupid." JJ said, looking at the ground.

"Is it something you want me to do, something you don't want me to do or something else?" Emily asked.

"Something I don't want you to do." JJ said, quietly.

"What is it? Anything you tell me not to do, I won't, but I need to know what it is." Emily said.

She had never seen JJ so insecure about something in all the time she's known her, but she understood why JJ was like that. She had been so traumatized that she didn't even know sex could feel good.

"Please don't touch me...back...there." JJ said and immediately turned her head away.

It took a second for Emily to understand, but finally she did.

"I wasn't planning on it. I won't touch you at all back there and anything you feel uncomfortable with, tell me and I'll stop." Emily said.

JJ looked at her and nodded gratefully.

Emily looked into JJ's eyes and they got back into the position they were previously in.

Emily slowly took off JJ's clothes, piece by piece, leaving her only in her underwear and her bra.

She started running her hands along JJ's body, slowly, but quickly realized that her breathing had become rapid and her eyes were tightly shut.

"JJ, honey, open your eyes." Emily said, taking her hands off of her.

JJ slowly opened her eyes and looked at Emily in what could only be described as shame.

"Em, I'm sorry. God, I hate being this weak." JJ said.

"You're not weak, Jen. Don't ever think that." Emily said.

"I don't think...I...I want to do this, but at the same time, I don't." JJ admitted.

"I don't want to push you into anything you don't want to do. If you're not sure then we'll wait until you are." Emily said, honestly.

They were both sitting side by side on the bed by now.

"No, wait. I...I'm sure. I trust you." JJ said, but Emily knew there was something more to that statement.

"But?" Emily asked.

JJ made eye contact.

"But I'm scared." She admitted, looking down at her lap.

Emily knew how much JJ hated to admit fear, she knew that JJ avoided it at all costs.

"JJ, all you have to do is keep your eyes on me and assure your mind that it's just me. Nobody else. You don't have to be scared sweetheart. Not with me." Emily assured.

"I know. I trust you." JJ promised.

"How about this? We've gotten far enough for today, how about I just hold you tonight?" Emily suggested.

"But-" JJ started, but was cut off by Emily.

"Honey, don't push yourself. We'll go slowly. A little bit now, a little more next time and so on." Emily said.

"I'm sorry I'm so broken." JJ said in shame, tears in her eyes.

Emily immediately pulled JJ into her arms and started running her fingers through her hair.

"You're not broken, Jayje. Just a little bent, but I promise we can work together so that we can fix that. I'll help you forget him." Emily whispered the last part into JJ's ear.

And so the next few minutes were spent with JJ crying and Emily comforting her.

Emily knew she had to help JJ forget that bastard and she made it her personal mission to do so.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So sorry for the delay. Here's chapter 6.**

JJ had finished crying and they had both changed into something more comfortable. Emily was wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt, while JJ wore shorts and a tank-top.

They went to the couch and Emily sat down, while JJ laid down, with her head on Emily's lap.

JJ looked up at Emily and smiled.

"I love you." She said.

"I love you too, Jayje. I love you so much." Emily said with a smile that matched JJ's.

JJ closed her eyes as Emily's right hand ran through her hair, while the other caressed her cheek, relaxing her.

"Why aren't you disgusted?" JJ asked out of the blue, not bothering to open her eyes.

Emily stopped her movements, before continuing again.

"Would you be if it was me?" Emily asked back.

"No." JJ said.

"Then there's your answer." Emily said back.

They stayed for a while in silence.

"Em?" JJ started, opening her eyes.

"Yeah?" Emily asked, waiting for JJ to continue.

"Can I tell you the whole story? Everything?" JJ asked.

"Of course you can, honey. You can talk to me whenever you want to and tell me whatever you want to. You don't have to hold it all inside. You don't have to go through this alone anymore. You have me now." Emily finished her little statement by bending over and kissing JJ's forehead.

JJ closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of protection, care and love that Emily was giving her.

"So, how does it feel to know the weak side of Jennifer Jareau?" JJ asked with a sarcastic chuckle and with a roll of the eyes.

"I don't see it as a weak side. I see it as a strong side that's been strong for so many years, that it just had to show how strong it really was by telling me." Emily said.

"I'm not used to this. Crying. I mean, of course sometimes I cry, I'm only human, but when I do, I do it alone, without anybody watching." JJ admitted.

"You don't have to cry alone anymore." Emily reminded.

"I know." JJ said.

They stayed silent for a few minutes until JJ spoke again, breaking the icy silence.

"Can you just ask what you want to ask first?" JJ asked.

Emily looked a tad bit surprised.

"What makes you think I want to ask something?" She asked.

"Oh, come on, Em. You can't fool me." JJ said with a chuckle.

Emily smiled, but then turned dead serious and looked down at the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen.

"If your mom didn't believe you, how did he go to jail?" She asked.

"I called the cops and they arrested him." JJ responded.

"Did you have to testify?" Emily said, hoping she hadn't needed to, since she knew how torturous it could be for victims.

"Yeah. It was hard, but it was worth it, knowing that I had put him in jail." JJ said with a small victory smile.

"I wish I'd known you then. To help you through, hold you tight, protect you..." Emily said, whispering the last part.

"But you know me now. And I'm so glad you're here. I love you and I don't ever want to lose you." JJ said, looking lovingly at Emily with a smile.

"And I promise you never will. As long as I'm alive, nobody will ever hurt you again. I will always protect you...and hold you..." Emily said, putting her arms around JJ, protectively.

"...and kiss you..." Emily said kissing JJ as they both smiled into the kiss.

"...and tickle you..." Emily said, tickling JJ.

JJ laughed and tried to squirm away from Emily.

"Stop! Stop!" JJ screamed as she laughed hysterically.

Do you give in and give up your pride?" Emily asked, stopping for a little bit.

"No." JJ said as she got up and ran toward their bedroom.

Emily got up quickly and ran after her, both laughing uncontrollably.

JJ jumped on the bed and hid under the covers.

Emily jumped on the bed just as JJ had and removed the covers, making JJ squeal and try to run, but Emily caught her.

She continued to tickle JJ until JJ finally gave in.

"I give in! I give in!" She screamed, still recovering and trying to catch her breath.

"I win." Emily said with a victorious smile, as they both laid down, side by side.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. And a Special Thanks to:**

 **\- Kensi1997 - Thank you for supporting me, not only on this story but others as well, and thank you for all the compliments on my writing :D**

 **\- rmpcmfan - Thank you also for reviewing on not only this story but others too :)**

 **\- Wolflover2323 - I already know what you're going to say on the next chapter: "Keep going please" hahahahah, but thank you very much for taking the time to review :P**

 **\- elphiemolizbethbau - Thank you for your continued support throughout this story :D**

 **A/N #2: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review any story that I have written. I feel like I don't show you my appreciation too often. But you are greatly appreciated. All of you. Thank you :)**

 **Chapter 7:**

While they were laying side by side, Emily put her arms around JJ and placed a soft, chaste kiss on her neck.

"JJ?" Emily called, once they had fallen into silence.

"Yeah?" JJ responded.

"Can I ask you something else?" Emily asked. She didn't want to ask, but it's been weighing on her mind.

"Yes." JJ answered, feeling kind of nervous.

"But you don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable or if you simply don't want to talk about it, okay?" Emily asked.

"Okay...Now I'm getting nervous." JJ admitted.

"I didn't want to ask, but it's been in my head since you mentioned it." Emily said as she ran her fingers through JJ's hair, while holding her.

"What is it?" JJ asked, looking up into Emily's eyes as she laid there beside her, taking comfort in her gestures.

"Did he-Did it-" Emily didn't know how to word it.

"What is it, Em?" JJ asked, getting a little anxious.

"Why were you scared I'd touch you back there?" Emily blurted out as fast as a lightning bolt.

"You don't have to answer." Emily added, reminding her.

JJ sighed.

"He uh...I don't know how to put it." JJ said.

"It's okay, just take your time." Emily assured.

"Until I was 10, it was uhm, he did it 'normally'" JJ said, using air quotes on the word 'normally', referring to vaginal rape.

"But then, after I turned 10, I guess he got bored so he started...turning me over." JJ said, casting her eyes downward.

"Oh my God." Emily whispered in disgust for the man who had hurt JJ, but JJ thought that Emily was thinking that _she_ was disgusting.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, but at least now you know how disgusting I am." JJ said, getting up off the bed and attempting to leave the bedroom.

Emily was quick though, and immediately sprung into action, blocking JJ's way.

"Let me leave. I'm sorry I'm not good enough." JJ said.

Emily saw the tears threatening to fall and looked into those beautiful eyes.

"Why do you want to leave? You're more than enough for me. Hell, I didn't think you'd ever take a second look at me, much less date me." Emily admitted.

"But when I told you, you looked so disgusted." JJ said.

She was trying to hold back the tears. She didn't want to cry anymore.

"No, that's not true. Well, technically it is, but not at you. I wasn't disgusted with you, I was disgusted with that son of a bitch. I was disgusted at what he had done to you. It's not your fault." Emily explained.

JJ then understood.

"I'm sorry. I thought you were disgusted with me. I'm sorry." JJ apologized, feeling guilty for reacting the way she had.

"You don't have to apologize. I would never be disgusted with you. Never." Emily said.

JJ smiled.

"Come on, let's go to bed." Emily suggested.

JJ nodded and they laid back down. As soon as they did, Emily put her arms around JJ, protectively.

"Want to talk about it?" Emily asked.

JJ stayed silent.

"I'm a good listener." Emily said with a smile.

JJ rolled her eyes, but gave Emily a small smile.

"Why did you roll your eyes? Is it not true?" Emily asked, pretending to be hurt.

JJ laughed a little.

"I am offended. You shall not speak to me." Emily said, playfully pretending to be offended.

"You're so dramatic." JJ said, again, rolling her eyes.

Emily gasped, dramatically.

"I am not." Emily said, feigning shock.

"Oh yes you are" JJ said, laughing.

Now, it was Emily who rolled her eyes, playfully.

They stayed in silence for a few minutes, Emily just holding JJ protectively in her arms.

"It was horrible." JJ whispered, and Emily knew she was ready to talk.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry for the delay.**

 **A/N:** Thank youhelly1bradleywyatt, that is exactly what I'm trying to do. Kensi1997, you're very welcome and thank you. I try to do my best at all my stories.

 **CHAPTER 8:**

JJ took a deep breath before holding on to Emily's T-shirt.

"As I said before, I was...hurt...sexually...by my step-dad." JJ began as Emily held her tight.

"It started simple. When I was really small, he used to play with me. Normally. With no bad intentions, until one night. He was tickling me and I was only in my undies. I was probably like three or something at the time, but anyways, he was tickling me and he touched me. It was really quick. But that's how it started." JJ said.

Emily kept quiet as she listened.

"After that, it just...escalated..." JJ said with a humorless chuckle.

"A few nights after the tickling incident, he came into my bedroom, lifted my nightgown and ran his hands over my body while telling me how much he loved me. That was the first time he actually touched me, without it being 'an accident'." JJ explained.

"He...he said that...that that was what daddy's did when they really loved their daughters, but mommy's couldn't know. And I believed him! God, I believed him, Em!" JJ cried.

"JJ, listen to me. You were a small, innocent little girl. Any little girl at that age would've believed him, honey. This is not on you. It's absolutely not your fault, baby." Emily assured, holding JJ tight.

"I sometimes wish it wouldn't have happened." JJ said, quietly.

"That's normal. Anybody would wish that in your situation." Emily said.

They stayed in silence for a little bit until JJ spoke up again.

"It's why my older sister killed herself." JJ said.

Emily didn't know what to say. She just waited for JJ to continue.

"He did it to her too." JJ said as the tears started falling again.

"She killed herself over guilt, because she let it happen to me. I never blamed her. I wish I wouldn't have told her. If I hadn't..." JJ said, as the tears flowed.

"'If you hadn't' nothing, Jayje. You can't blame yourself for your sister's suicide. I know you feel guilty, but you had to tell someone. I would've told someone too if it were me." Emily said.

"You don't know what it's like, so don't pretend like you do!" JJ screamed as she got up from the bed and turned her back to Emily.

She hadn't meant to yell at Emily, but she couldn't help it. She had so many feelings pent up inside for so many years and they were all coming out at once, and if JJ was honest, it was scaring her. She didn't want to lose the one good thing in her life, but she knew that if she continued like this, she would lose her.

"Jen, honey. Listen to me." Emily said, waiting for JJ to turn towards her, but she didn't, so Emily continued anyway.

"I may not know exactly how you feel, but I'm an FBI agent, remember? We see these things everyday. We talk to victim's and we listen to their stories, so I know enough about it to know that you're hurting. You've kept these feelings hidden for so long. All the anger, the pain, the sorrow, the guilt, the grief...I could go on, but I think you get the point. All of that is normal after experiencing something as horrible as child sexual abuse, but you've learned how to mask that pain so well that not even a team of profiler's could figure it out. You can yell at me all you want. It won't make me run away. I will love you until the hurt is gone and . I . will . help you get over that son of a bitch. This experience is something that you can't just forget, but I will help you to make it something that you can live with. One day, you'll remember this and it won't be so painful. It won't hurt as much as it hurts right now." Emily finished.

The one thing Emily wanted was to take away JJ's pain. She didn't want to see the blonde hurting anymore. She wanted to kiss it away. She wanted to love JJ until the hurt finally faded.

JJ was still turned away from Emily, but Emily could see her shoulders shaking as if she was crying silently.

Emily got up and walked towards JJ, gently and carefully putting her hands on JJ's shoulders, as to not scare her.

"Jen?" Emily tried, carefully.

JJ carefully turned around, looked into Emily's eyes for a few seconds, kissed her lips and hugged her, laying her head down on Emily's shoulder.

"I love you, baby. You're with me now and I can promise you I will never hurt you like he did or in any other way whatsoever." Emily promised.

That's all it took for JJ to start sobbing as she held onto Emily.

"I love you, Em. I know you'll never hurt me. I'm sorry for everything. I love you so much. More than I have ever loved anyone in my life." JJ cried.

"You have nothing, nothing to be sorry for. You will never have to apologize to me. These things happen and it hurts, but it made you who you are. It made you the strong, tough FBI agent and the loving, compassionate person you are." Emily said.

And that was enough to make JJ kiss Emily with all the love and passion she had.


	9. Chapter 9

The kiss escalated and JJ found herself pulling Emily with her to the bed.

Emily followed while she continued to kiss her lover's lips.

They lay down on the bed, Emily on her back and JJ on top, straddling her.

"Em...I don't want to be scared anymore." JJ said.

"Then let me take your fears away." Emily responded, while she looked into those beautiful crystal blue eyes.

JJ looked back into chocolaty brown ones before nodding.

It went slow. Every movement Emily did was with consent. Emily asked for permission on each and every one of them.

An hour later they were both satisfied.

They lay side by side as once again, tears streamed down JJ's face.

Emily was concerned as to what was wrong.

"Jayje, what's wrong, hun?" Emily asked.

"Did I hurt you?" She asked, concerned.

JJ shook her head in the negative.

"No. You didn't." She replied.

"Then what's wrong, sweetheart?" Emily asked, wondering.

"Nothing. I just never thought it would be this good. I never thought that it could be done without pain." JJ said, sadly.

Emily placed her arms around JJ protectively as their naked bodies intertwined.

"Now you know. I told you I wouldn't hurt you." Emily whispered.

JJ nodded against Emily's chest.

"I'm sorry." JJ said after a minute of silence.

"For what?" Emily asked confused.

"For not believing you before." JJ said quietly.

"I understand why you didn't, but just so you know, the past is in the past. Now, we move forward. I promise I will be there every step of the way. I love you and he will no longer have an influence on your life as long as I'm alive. I won't let him control you and I certainly won't let him hurt you. I promise." Emily promised.

JJ nodded.

"I love you Em and thank you for showing me that it doesn't have to hurt." JJ said.

"You will never have to thank me for that." Emily said.

"Yes, I do. Because you're the only one who didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to and the only one who waited until I was ready." JJ admitted.

Emily was confused at that statement because she was sure JJ dated a guy a few years before. Unless he...Emily couldn't even bear to think of that.

"JJ, you dated a guy a while back...Please tell me he didn't..." Emily couldn't complete that sentence.

"He did. I told him I couldn't have sex with him yet and he slapped me before forcing me to my knees, saying that he had needs." JJ said.

"He didn't rape me, but he made me...you know..." JJ said, trying to explain that she was orally raped.

"Sweetie, that's rape. Why didn't you tell me at the time? I would've killed the bastard. God, no wonder you were so scared of having sex with me." Emily said, shaking her head and wrapping her arms around JJ a little tighter than before.

"I didn't want to deal with that kind of stuff again. I just...I couldn't." JJ said.

"So you just pretended it didn't happen." Emily finished for her, with a sigh.

JJ nodded.

"I just want you to know all of it. I don't want to hide anything from you, so if you want to leave, you can. I don't want you to feel like you have to stay." JJ explained.

"I'm not leaving." Emily promised.

JJ looked up and kissed her lover's lips.

"I love you, Em." She said.

"I love you too, Jayje." Emily replied.

And with that, JJ laid her head on Emily's chest, listening to the steady, strong heartbeat.

They both knew they would be okay. It was just a matter of time.

 _ **The End.**_ __


	10. Chapter 10

How many of you want a sequel?

Leave a review or a PM with your answer. If there are many that do, I will try to do it :)

Thank you for your time.

\- USCutie15


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